a guy peed on my bus yesterday

My bus ride from Seattle to Tacoma is about 45 minutes long from the last stop in Seattle to the first stop in Tacoma. At any time in the afternoon, there is a bus no longer than a 10 minute wait to take you there. They come really often. Often enough, that if you had to pee really badly you could get off the bus, go pee, and get on the next bus. As long as you were still in Seattle. Now if you were an Icky Hobo and didn't think that far in advance, then 5 minutes into the freeway part of the ride, you would consider hunkering down on the stairs that sit halfway in the bus, and just pulling out your Icky Hobo penis and peeing on the stairs. Then you wouldn't really worry too badly about 40 minutes more of disgusted other passengers that can't possibly be more eager to get off the bus. Well, that's what happened. Yuck, huh? Some lady starting screaming, "This guy is peeing on the bus!" and some guy standing near the stairs looks over and starts laughing in disbelief. Then some weird dorky guy with a 15 year-old's mustache asked everyone for their newspapers and actually tried to absorb it from the steps. If ever there's a time to not be a hero, it's when there's Icky Hobo pee involved. Just let it be, fella. When we got to the bus station, the man was greeted by a cop and two bus officials...all wearing rubber gloves. I've never been so glad to be home.

New size comparisons for pregnant mamas

I’ve noticed that the method for comparing the baby growing inside you to a common outside object (usually produce) is quite outdated. I mean, honestly how many of us have ever held a Chinese cabbage, and can you really compare a large jicama to a 17-inch long, 3.75 pound human being? No. So I’m offering some suggestions for how to really compare that baby in your body to something external. My original source is from BabyCenter’s information, although most other websites and books have similar food weight/size comparisons. Ridiculous. Starting at 4 weeks (2 weeks from implantation), here are my non-food or more-likely-to-recognize-food comparisons. Mine lean more toward the length side, although I tried to find shape and weight comparisons when available for those sizes.

4 weeks: old comparison – poppy seed; new suggestion – gnat
5 weeks: old comparison – sesame seed; new suggestion – clump of mascara
6 weeks: old comparison – lentil bean; new suggestion – pencil eraser
7 weeks: old comparison – blueberry; new suggestion – Tylenol
8 weeks: old comparison – kidney bean; new suggestion – bumble bee
9 weeks: old comparison – grape; new suggestion – Micro Machines car
10 weeks: old comparison – kumquat; new suggestion – house key
11 weeks: old comparison – fig; new suggestion – contact lens case
12 weeks: old comparison – lime; new suggestion – Hot Wheels car
13 weeks: old comparison – medium shrimp; new suggestion – salt shaker
14 weeks: old comparison – lemon; new suggestion – wadded-up paper towel
15 weeks: old comparison – apple; new suggestion – doorknob
16 weeks: old comparison – avocado; new suggestion – 8 g.b. iPod
17 weeks: old comparison – turnip; new suggestion – Slinky
18 weeks: old comparison – bell pepper; new suggestion – pop-up hairbrush/mirror combo, opened
19 weeks: old comparison – heirloom tomato; new suggestion – soda can
20 weeks: old comparison – banana; new suggestion – TV remote
21 weeks: old comparison – carrot; new suggestion – stapler
22 weeks: old comparison – spaghetti squash; new suggestion – commuter mug
23 weeks: old comparison – large mango; new suggestion – Barbie doll
24 weeks: old comparison – ear of corn; new suggestion – engineering ruler
25 weeks: old comparison – average rutabaga; new suggestion – men’s work boot
26 weeks: old comparison – English hothouse cucumber; new suggestion – half-gallon of milk
27 weeks: old comparison – head of cauliflower; new suggestion – inflated water-wing
28 weeks: old comparison – Chinese cabbage; new suggestion – skein of yarn
29 weeks: old comparison – butternut squash; new suggestion – Zack Morris cell phone, including antenna
30 weeks: old comparison – head of cabbage; new suggestion – mini baseball bat souvenir
31 weeks: old comparison – 4 navel oranges; new suggestion – small pipe wrench
32 weeks: old comparison – large jicama; new suggestion – stuffed animal large fair prize
33 weeks: old comparison – half a pineapple; new suggestion – backpack
34 weeks: old comparison – average cantaloupe; new suggestion – Jenga tower just before crashing
35 weeks: old comparison – honeydew melon; new suggestion – lava lamp
36 weeks: old comparison – Crenshaw melon; new suggestion – car muffler
37 weeks: old comparison – stalk of Swiss chard; new suggestion – foldable umbrella, extended but not opened
38 weeks: old comparison – leek; new suggestion – small potted poinsettia
39 weeks: old comparison – mini watermelon; new suggestion – piñata
40 weeks: old comparison – small pumpkin; new suggestion – toy baby doll

weird hips and legs and lower back when pregnant

So how come whenever I'm pregnant one of my legs grows an inch longer than the other? And if it hasn't, then you explain to me why I'm walking around like Cowboy Barbie whose hips were pulled out of their sockets by some cruel little girl and they're just hanging by that elastic between them. Seriously, I don't have the pregnant waddle, I have the awkward bow-legged one year-old baby mosey/swagger. Ridiculous. Here are all my pregnancy woes (I won't even begin to whine about my stretch marks):
* I'm itchy
* my lower back aches if I sit/lie down in practically any position for longer than 2 minutes
* my tummy is humongous, but my bottom is not, so I look extremely lopsided and I show my butt crack a lot
* I don't have to pee too much more, but when I have to go I need to go instantly or else I swear I'll wet my pants
* my hips ache when I sleep on one side for too long (of course I'm normally a tummy sleeper and that's pretty out of the question)
* I'm a lot flightier than usual and I forget and lose things almost as much as my husband!
* my baby weighs just under 5 pounds, yet I have gained over 25
* I'm getting this gross acid reflux thingie in the middle of the night where I have to get off my achy side, pull up my sagging jammy pants, and waddle downstairs to get some Tums
Aside from those remarkably easy to live with, yet still annoying problems, this has been a superb pregnancy. Frankie is a wild kicking gymnast and I'm convinced he's going to be one of the two best looking kids in the history of the world. #1 being me, of course.