New size comparisons for pregnant mamas

I’ve noticed that the method for comparing the baby growing inside you to a common outside object (usually produce) is quite outdated. I mean, honestly how many of us have ever held a Chinese cabbage, and can you really compare a large jicama to a 17-inch long, 3.75 pound human being? No. So I’m offering some suggestions for how to really compare that baby in your body to something external. My original source is from BabyCenter’s information, although most other websites and books have similar food weight/size comparisons. Ridiculous. Starting at 4 weeks (2 weeks from implantation), here are my non-food or more-likely-to-recognize-food comparisons. Mine lean more toward the length side, although I tried to find shape and weight comparisons when available for those sizes.

4 weeks: old comparison – poppy seed; new suggestion – gnat
5 weeks: old comparison – sesame seed; new suggestion – clump of mascara
6 weeks: old comparison – lentil bean; new suggestion – pencil eraser
7 weeks: old comparison – blueberry; new suggestion – Tylenol
8 weeks: old comparison – kidney bean; new suggestion – bumble bee
9 weeks: old comparison – grape; new suggestion – Micro Machines car
10 weeks: old comparison – kumquat; new suggestion – house key
11 weeks: old comparison – fig; new suggestion – contact lens case
12 weeks: old comparison – lime; new suggestion – Hot Wheels car
13 weeks: old comparison – medium shrimp; new suggestion – salt shaker
14 weeks: old comparison – lemon; new suggestion – wadded-up paper towel
15 weeks: old comparison – apple; new suggestion – doorknob
16 weeks: old comparison – avocado; new suggestion – 8 g.b. iPod
17 weeks: old comparison – turnip; new suggestion – Slinky
18 weeks: old comparison – bell pepper; new suggestion – pop-up hairbrush/mirror combo, opened
19 weeks: old comparison – heirloom tomato; new suggestion – soda can
20 weeks: old comparison – banana; new suggestion – TV remote
21 weeks: old comparison – carrot; new suggestion – stapler
22 weeks: old comparison – spaghetti squash; new suggestion – commuter mug
23 weeks: old comparison – large mango; new suggestion – Barbie doll
24 weeks: old comparison – ear of corn; new suggestion – engineering ruler
25 weeks: old comparison – average rutabaga; new suggestion – men’s work boot
26 weeks: old comparison – English hothouse cucumber; new suggestion – half-gallon of milk
27 weeks: old comparison – head of cauliflower; new suggestion – inflated water-wing
28 weeks: old comparison – Chinese cabbage; new suggestion – skein of yarn
29 weeks: old comparison – butternut squash; new suggestion – Zack Morris cell phone, including antenna
30 weeks: old comparison – head of cabbage; new suggestion – mini baseball bat souvenir
31 weeks: old comparison – 4 navel oranges; new suggestion – small pipe wrench
32 weeks: old comparison – large jicama; new suggestion – stuffed animal large fair prize
33 weeks: old comparison – half a pineapple; new suggestion – backpack
34 weeks: old comparison – average cantaloupe; new suggestion – Jenga tower just before crashing
35 weeks: old comparison – honeydew melon; new suggestion – lava lamp
36 weeks: old comparison – Crenshaw melon; new suggestion – car muffler
37 weeks: old comparison – stalk of Swiss chard; new suggestion – foldable umbrella, extended but not opened
38 weeks: old comparison – leek; new suggestion – small potted poinsettia
39 weeks: old comparison – mini watermelon; new suggestion – piñata
40 weeks: old comparison – small pumpkin; new suggestion – toy baby doll

Gee Whillikers! I love kids.

So this happened a year and a half ago, but I had just relayed my little anecdote to a coworker and thought I'd share it here. When I was pregnant my tummy got huge. My little niece had just turned 5 and was staring at my giant belly. Her dog was pregnant at the time also, so she was very curious about my situation. Here's how our conversation went:

Zanae: "Cole, your tummy is fat."
me: "Well, that's because I'm pregnant and there's a baby in there."
Zanae: "Okay...how much babies you got in there?"
me: "Just one."
Zanae: "Oh."
(long, thoughtful pause on Zanae's part while she stares at my fat tummy, contemplating whether or not she honestly believes that there is just one thing in there)
Zanae: "You got any puppies in there too?"
me: "No, just the one human baby."

Don't you so wish you could just ask any question you wanted to every time one came to mind? Or stare when you think something looks strange on someone? I so envy children.

Tantrums and Resilient Baby Heads

Now that Kirby is able to know what he wants and appreciate when he gets what he wants, he is also able to know when he doesn’t get what he wants and show his disapproval. Unfortunately he still can’t talk and say, “Listen, Mom: I know you have to bake muffins for the Women’s Group, and I know I’m cutting your time short here by forcing you to hold me up, but I really want to continue playing with this Mickey Mouse toaster, so you’re just going to have to keep me entertained with this until I get bored in an hour or two,” so he does the most natural thing and throws a tantrum. Now in case you don’t have kids and it’s been awhile since you’ve had a fit, let me remind you what a tantrum involves. There are two kinds, first of all: The Make-as-Much-Noise-as-I-Possibly-Can-so-You-Can-Hurt-Like-I-Do-Now Tantrum and The Why-Are-You-the-Worst-Parents-in-the-World-and-Delight-in-my-Suffering? Tantrum. The noisy one involves more of a screaming cry and is performed standing up so that my son can stamp his feet and still reach breakable things to throw on the ground. The suffering one involves a wailing cry and is accomplished by my darling baby throwing his body backwards quickly, resulting in actual pain which causes an even better reason to be crying. Now that he’s older both tantrums may involve some sort of purposeful self-assault that Justin likes to refer to as the “Stupid, Stupid” Chris Farley impression. This usually takes the form of the Why are you hitting yourself in the Head? classic grade school bully game of yesteryear, only with Kirby controlling his own hand. But sometimes he likes to bang his head against either the ground, the back of the high chair, or your face, depending on his current situation. I will concede that it must be very frustrating to not be able to communicate when you know precisely what you want, but I think the baby has yet to grasp the concept that we get to decide what he gets to do/eat/throw and not him. Sigh. The greatest part is that when he’s in such desperate anguish, I am the one he comes to for comfort, even if I was the perpetrator. I love it. But I sure do thank God for resilient baby heads.